Saturday, November 18, 2006

Knit For The Cure!

My friend Julie once observed that I knit like a man. Maybe she was talking about the super jumbo needles I insist on using, or perhaps the way I sit: slouched down with my knees sprawling apart, snarling and cursing at the slow stubborn yarn. I tend to gallop along too fast, clumsy and impatient, focused on production and anxious for end results. I have zero tolerance for the process itself, for fine little details or tiny little stitches. I've steadfastly refused to learn anything besides the basic garter stitch; I have no desire to count or measure or do anything that requires actually thinking or paying attention; and the last thing on earth I need is a cozy for my mouse, my iPod, or my damn vibrator. So the only item I know how to knit is a scarf.



I taught myself to knit shortly after I was diagnosed, when it became clear that my former active athletic passions--things like dancing and gardening and lifting weights--were going to be off limits for a long long time. Although I still find it almost unbearably boring, knitting does allow me to indulge in my love of bright wild colors. I like my scarves long, so they flutter and fly behind me, flapping in the wind like exuberant streamers. Or they would if I ever went anywhere besides to the bathroom and back.



By the time I've finished all 8 rounds of chemotherapy, if I haven't gone stark raving mad first, I will have at least a hundred long crazy insanely clashing scarves.



Maybe I can sell them on eBay! I'll charge $100 apiece and sew on little tags that say, "This scarf was hand knit by a genuine stage IV cancer patient during infusions. All proceeds go to pay for pain pills, antidepressants, and anti-nausea medications."

11 Comments:

Blogger Rose said...

I love the color choices. The orange scarf with the big buttons is my favorite. I'd certainly place a bid on one of your scarves if you sold them on ebay.

Best wishes,
Rose

3:46 PM  
Blogger Ya Looblue said...

you know, it's not actually a bad idea. in fact, it's a wonderful idea. *hugs*

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or you might consider opening an Etsy shop. Good set-up, easy to use, and people coming there are looking for unique, handcrafted stuff, especially now, for holiday gifting. I don't know if you can get $100 apiece there, though, and I don't know if anything less is worth your time.

Love the beaded fringe. Nice touch.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course, I know you could sell vibrator cozies. In either venue. And at, say, $15 apiece, those might prove far more profitable.

Nobody likes a cold vibrator.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Leila M. said...

oo hey not bad. Crocheter myself

10:49 PM  
Blogger Sock Girl said...

I love that you've added embellishments like buttons and beads. Your creativity shines through. I adore the blue one especially.

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder if it's possible to knit that gargantuan pornographic hyacinth I saw on another blog...once.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other things to knit:
http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEsummer04/PATTthong.html

1:42 PM  
Blogger Lymphopo said...

Short rows create the bubble which becomes the pouch of the thong

The "bubble"! That's a good one.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you see the sizes?

Did you see the condom holder (different pattern)?

9:02 PM  
Blogger alphabitch said...

I have a bit of a yarn surplus if you want something else to curse at. Shit's expensive. I can't knit much nowadays on account of the fucking carpal tunnel problem I'm having. Email me at nora -at- alphabitch -dot- org if you're interested.

11:38 AM  

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