Saturday, November 18, 2006

Knit For The Cure!

My friend Julie once observed that I knit like a man. Maybe she was talking about the super jumbo needles I insist on using, or perhaps the way I sit: slouched down with my knees sprawling apart, snarling and cursing at the slow stubborn yarn. I tend to gallop along too fast, clumsy and impatient, focused on production and anxious for end results. I have zero tolerance for the process itself, for fine little details or tiny little stitches. I've steadfastly refused to learn anything besides the basic garter stitch; I have no desire to count or measure or do anything that requires actually thinking or paying attention; and the last thing on earth I need is a cozy for my mouse, my iPod, or my damn vibrator. So the only item I know how to knit is a scarf.

I taught myself to knit shortly after I was diagnosed, when it became clear that my former active athletic passions--things like dancing and gardening and lifting weights--were going to be off limits for a long long time. Although I still find it almost unbearably boring, knitting does allow me to indulge in my love of bright wild colors. I like my scarves long, so they flutter and fly behind me, flapping in the wind like exuberant streamers. Or they would if I ever went anywhere besides to the bathroom and back.

By the time I've finished all 8 rounds of chemotherapy, if I haven't gone stark raving mad first, I will have at least a hundred long crazy insanely clashing scarves.

Maybe I can sell them on eBay! I'll charge $100 apiece and sew on little tags that say, "This scarf was hand knit by a genuine stage IV cancer patient during infusions. All proceeds go to pay for pain pills, antidepressants, and anti-nausea medications."


Blogger Rose said...

I love the color choices. The orange scarf with the big buttons is my favorite. I'd certainly place a bid on one of your scarves if you sold them on ebay.

Best wishes,

3:46 PM  
Blogger Ya Looblue said...

you know, it's not actually a bad idea. in fact, it's a wonderful idea. *hugs*

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or you might consider opening an Etsy shop. Good set-up, easy to use, and people coming there are looking for unique, handcrafted stuff, especially now, for holiday gifting. I don't know if you can get $100 apiece there, though, and I don't know if anything less is worth your time.

Love the beaded fringe. Nice touch.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course, I know you could sell vibrator cozies. In either venue. And at, say, $15 apiece, those might prove far more profitable.

Nobody likes a cold vibrator.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Emma Goldman said...

I completely want the purple and blue scarf. Alas, I don't think I can pay $100 for a scarf, but I'd definitely pay for it. It is, as they say in Philadelphia (or Fluffya, as the natives pronounce it), bee-yoo-tee-full. why not just set up a PayPal account rather than deal with eBay and auctions? And the pricing could be, in part, materials-dependent, if you're inspired to use expensive-ish yarn.

and the idea of cozies for said electronica made me snort and giggle simultaneously.

8:24 AM  
Blogger Leila M. said...

oo hey not bad. Crocheter myself

10:49 PM  
Blogger Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Recalling the lovely photos of your garden on your previous blog, the photos of the scarves make me think the flowers came inside for the time being.

You make flowers, yarn, and words bloom at your fingertips.

1:29 AM  
Blogger Sock Girl said...

I love that you've added embellishments like buttons and beads. Your creativity shines through. I adore the blue one especially.

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder if it's possible to knit that gargantuan pornographic hyacinth I saw on another blog...once.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other things to knit:

1:42 PM  
Blogger Lymphopo said...

Short rows create the bubble which becomes the pouch of the thong

The "bubble"! That's a good one.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you see the sizes?

Did you see the condom holder (different pattern)?

9:02 PM  
Blogger alphabitch said...

I have a bit of a yarn surplus if you want something else to curse at. Shit's expensive. I can't knit much nowadays on account of the fucking carpal tunnel problem I'm having. Email me at nora -at- alphabitch -dot- org if you're interested.

11:38 AM  

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