Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Perseverance Pays Off

So finally, miraculously, today my chart was actually there in the medical records department! My CT scan results, however, were NOT in the chart. Because duh, the chart itself has been gone every day for several weeks, so nobody could have possibly filed any incoming reports. The faceless bureaucrat du jour told me the papers I wanted were probably buried somewhere in a 12 foot tall stack of other papers waiting to be filed. In other words, totally hopelessly inaccessible.

But did I despair? Did I give up? Did I light my hair on fire, and curl up beneath the bureaucrat's swivel chair clutching an institutional size box of Ding Dongs, a 40-oz. bottle of St. Ides, and the Complete Patsy Cline box set?

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Wouldn't you have?

Fortunately, in a frantic effort to get me out from under her feet before I set her hem on fire, the poor beleaugered faceless bureaucrat was forced to delve around in her computer for my reports and print them out for me. Which, bless her heart forever and ever and ever, she did without further ado. Now why the hell couldn't somebody have just done that last week? Sheesh.

Anyway, this is the report she handed me:

Impatient Name: Lymphopo Squeaky Wheel
Age: 53 Years
Gender: Irrelevant social construct
Test Type: Chest/Thorax w/contrast
Performed Date: August 27, 2007

No evidence of pulmonary parenchymal mass or infiltrate. No pleural thickening or effusion. No evidence of abnormal soft tissue mass or enlarged lymph nodes within the mediastinum or either hilum. Previosuly noted anterior mediastinal mass no longer evident.

Impression: Negative CT thorax. Anterior mediastinal mass noted on prior exam no longer evident.

Woooo fuckin hooo! Clean as a whistle! As were the scans of my head, neck, abdomen, and pelvis. Look out, world, I'm ready to live!

This is what a happy, healthy, grateful, and relieved person who's seriously ready to get on with Life looks like.


Blogger Lauren said...

Hurray! Enjoy your pilgrimage to Frida Kahlo-land, and enjoy the process of becoming a grandmother! Oh, the spoiling you'll do...

12:11 PM  
Blogger The Pietilas said...

Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!

12:14 PM  
Blogger Bob said...


That just totally made my day.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Penelope said...

EXCELLENT!!!! Congratulations!

I am so happy for you, I think I'll do 50 toilet standups just to celebrate.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Lin said...

Fantastic! Congratulations!

12:26 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Oh happy day!

I am SO happy for you, O Brave Woman of Perseverance!

12:28 PM  
Blogger Kanga Jen said...

Wow Liz - this nearly brought tears to my eyes. Fantastic news.

Don't hurt yourself celebrating. :-)


12:46 PM  
Blogger neca said...

Yay!!! really, what else is there to say?

12:53 PM  
Blogger debinca said...

The absolutely best news ever!!!!!!

See it was worth setting your hair on fire no you know it will grow back for ever and ever!!!!!


12:57 PM  
Blogger Marian said...

Are your feet even touching the ground? All that and a grandbaby. Should you try a lottery ticket, too? It couldn't happen to anyone more deserving. Enjoy!

1:07 PM  
Blogger sumo said...


1:10 PM  
Blogger j0lt said...

Woohoo! Yippee! Fantastic! (etc., etc.)

1:22 PM  
Blogger Corvi said...

Well, pardon my French, but...Fuckin' A!

What great news! Congrats and hallelujah!

1:25 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Wild Applause. Whistling. Shrieking. Lots of confetti, and big, big smiles ;)

1:29 PM  
Blogger cyn said...

Coming out of lurkitude to say HOORAY! This is wonderful news!

1:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This is wonderful news! I am a lurker but I wanted to say congratulations. Enjoy your unrestricted workouts, impending grandchild, and all the other wonderful things I hope life will bring you in the near and long-term future.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

yeeeeeeeeeee HAW!!!!!!!!

2:22 PM  
Blogger RP said...

Sa-weet! All this and the port out too!

Here's to unrestricted workouts, followed by whatever Ding Dongs you have left....

2:22 PM  
Blogger KC said...


2:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:) and yay
*has a cookie and toasts you with coffee * :):):)

2:35 PM  
Blogger A.M.S. said...

Many congratulations! I'd say this deserves a coat of that Turkish Whorehouse Red nail polish for everyone!!!

2:52 PM  
Blogger Judy Wise said...

Relief! Joy! Congratulations.

2:56 PM  
Blogger kristi said...

That's fantastic news! I'm relieved and thrilled for you.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Vanda said...

Liz, I'm so very damn happy for you. Ummm yep you'd better buy that lottery ticket and soon!

Way to go, whooot whoot, yeah, big shouts and all that stuff everyone else said.

3:06 PM  
Blogger George said...

Excellent news!

Have fun celebrating!

3:31 PM  
Blogger cc said...

I'm so glad.

4:08 PM  
Blogger scotchneat said...

Fabulous. Congratulations!

4:10 PM  
Blogger Alison said...

Congratulations - I am so pleased for you!

4:23 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...


4:31 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Fabulous news- sounds like the universe is giving you a green light to go out and live today.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...


5:08 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Wonderful news.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Jess said...


That's such such such wonderful news. You must be so relieved and happy and every other emotion in the book. I don't know how you contained it enough to make it out the building...if I'm this happy for you, and I don't even KNOW you, I can't imagine how happy you must be, given that you ARE you!


7:20 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...


7:34 PM  
Blogger Lene Andersen said...

As I read that, a huge grin spread across my face. Congratulations!!

7:44 PM  
Blogger StyleyGeek said...

That is the best news ever. I haven't always known what to say to the bad news posts, but to this one, there is only one response:


8:04 PM  
Blogger Zoe said...

YES! Haha!!

You really know how to cheer a person up.

8:07 PM  
Blogger K. said...

Oh, yay for you, I'm rejoicing with you. Best wishes.

8:29 PM  
Blogger cbahm said...

Thrilling news -- I'm so glad for you! *high five*

8:46 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I'm over the moon for you! WoohooOOOOO!!! Yeeehaaawwwww!!! (said in my best Texas accent)

Best news all day ~ ~

8:51 PM  
Blogger citygrrrl said...

*sniff* *sniff* i'm just a little teary with happiness....

ok, so we will steal you when we get there and find that drive through daquari shack and we'll all be sippin our 180 proof drinks outta big ole styrofoam cups with the straw in the middle and dance the night away.

and it's on me.

sound good?

8:55 PM  
Blogger Michael Berkey said...

Sweet baby Jesus, this rules!

Glad to hear you've won.

Now get your ass back to the gym and get back to work on the sixpack, will ya?

This is Slortar, btw. I really need to just bookmark this page. :-)

8:55 PM  
Blogger Vida said...

Outstanding!!! I look forward to reading your accounts of teaching your grandchild the proper techniques of weight training.

9:09 PM  
Blogger Lymphopo said...

SLORTAAAAR!!! Whoa! An actual Slortar sighting at MY blog!! [swooning]

Thanks, everyone. The weirdest thing was that for the first few hours I was way more elated about finally getting my hands on the damn records than I was about the contents of the records. Just breaking through the red tape was such a brilliant victory, I was too overwhelmed by THAT to celebrate anything else. It took a while for the rest of the news to really sink in, I guess.

And now excuse me, I've got to go learn Spanish asap.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

I've been lurking since I read an article about roses on a Berkeley Hort newsletter. Just had to come out and say, YA Who!!!!! Bless you!

9:58 PM  
Blogger Trasi said...

I am so freaking excited for you! I cannot even fathom the load off your mind/chest with this news! Go live your wonderful, colorful, beautiful, sensitive and exciting life, and tell us all about it!

10:31 PM  
Blogger Betsey C. said...


I am so happy for you that I have 70's wedding music playing in my head!

10:38 PM  
Blogger Amalia said...


10:38 PM  
Blogger Calabama said...

Fantastic! The very best news!

10:42 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

Doing a happy dance up here in the northwest.

11:57 PM  
Blogger Elan Morgan said...

Oh sweet jeebus this is excellent news! I'm even forgetting proper captials, spelling, ad puncutation!

I am squeezing you really hard right now, because I can, you portless wonder.

12:51 AM  
Blogger chines said...

Yes! I am SO happy for you! Congratulations that is fantastic!

Now, if only they could've printed that for you last week. Good for you for brandishing the lighter!

1:20 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

I don't even know you and I jumped up and did a big woooohooooo! It's so NICE to read something full of joy and woohooness, or, as my friend Nicki would say 'woohooties'.

2:37 AM  
Blogger ay-em said...

You look absolutely gorgeous!

5:10 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Holy shit and happy day! Yes! High five, low five.....YES!

5:41 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Thank Frida you were uber-healthy at the start of this journey!!!

Doing the happy dance for you.

6:24 AM  
Blogger Lingual X said...

Best. News. Ever. Congratulations! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! Now, get yourself to Mexico and have a spanking good time!

6:39 AM  
Blogger Beth Currie said...

Wooo fuckin hooo indeed!! There's a little celebration going on at my desk over here in England for you. Hope you're planing something great to celebrate! xx

10:59 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hooray! Now send that bureaucrat a thank you note...it's just good karma. :-)

1:30 PM  
Blogger miz b said...

WHEEE! This is the best news of the year! That and becoming a grandma, wow. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. I'm going to figure out my own mini way to celebrate in your honor tonight. Maybe I'll do a one-armed pullup while sipping champagne with the other hand. Ha.
Miz B

3:22 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yay! Hurrah!

4:21 PM  
Blogger Annie in Austin said...

Lovely news, hilarious post - now out to the garden and hope I can find a 'Julia Child' bud to bring inside in your honor.

Annie at the Transplantable Rose

4:46 PM  
Blogger Yankee T said...

Oh, Liz, this news is just terrific! I'm so thrilled for you! ROCK ON!!!

5:43 PM  
Blogger Jezebella said...


8:57 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

That's just what we all wanted to read! You are back on YOUR way again, Liz - happy, pumped, healthy and whole!

3:19 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

BEST NEWS EVER!!! Seen that you have already made your party plans in your later post :o) Roaaar away Dare-devil! Hugs & muacks.

8:34 AM  
Blogger johnieb said...


1:22 PM  
Blogger momo said...

I'm so happy for you! What fabulous, wonderful news! I'll be having a drink in your honor tonight.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Thalia said...

I don't even know you and I am so very happy for you! And if that news made my day, I can only imagine what it's doing for yours!

In your honor I went and played with my dumbbells for the first time in months the other night. You are always an inspiration.

3:38 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Good for you! I am so relieved, and we haven't even met. You, I can imagine, are ecstatic!

9:51 PM  

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