Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Almost

You know what? It was almost worth everything: worth getting cancer, and nearly dying, and going through chemo hell, and losing my house and my savings and especially my beautiful muscles, the whole shebang, just so I could experience that single gloriously august moment this morning when I was getting out of my car at the grocery store and a woman getting into the car parked next to mine happened to glance through my rear window, and upon seeing the enormous concrete Virgin reclining on my back seat turned to me and said, "Yeah, some days a little plastic one on the dashboard just won't do the trick, will it?"

Seriously, I mean this close to being worth it.

28 Comments:

Blogger ay-em said...

THAT is hysterical. Hysterical! :)

- am

5:48 PM  
Blogger saraarts said...

HA HA HA HA HA

7:19 PM  
Blogger virginia said...

AMEN TO THAT!

7:39 PM  
Blogger No Sharp Edges said...

Damn, I'm glad I had finished drinking my Coke BEFORE I read that.

10:51 PM  
Blogger Eleanor Rigby said...

Find that woman and marry her.

11:17 PM  
Blogger ~laurie said...

Beautiful :)
and that lady n gents is what's known as 'the human condition'

12:32 AM  
Blogger debinca said...

Oh my gosh! Thats priceless! That woman has a sense of humor,insight and guts! Did you even try to explain or were you hugging her and laughing till tears streamed down your face?
debincarj

1:54 AM  
Blogger simonsays said...

OMG---that is a classic! Thanks for sharing!

6:09 AM  
Blogger alphabitch said...

too damn funny!

I can't wait, by the way, to see how these virgins turn out. Once you get them out of the car, I mean.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Sherry et al said...

That is just hysterical and deep inferno classic.

BTW, I am a not 12 year old MD and I am curious why you can't work out with your port.

My dad did and my pediatric patients play like wild banshees, even with a port.

Is something different about yours or did those 12 year old MDs give you bad info?

6:18 PM  
Blogger Lymphopo said...

Hmmm. It seemed to be the consensus of the ocology department, the surgery department, and the chemo nurses (who have the most clout in my book) at Our Lady of the Damned that heavy lifting (the kind that causes straining) is dangerous with a port. I think the explanation was something about maybe breaking the catheter?

In spite of their warnings I (of course) tried it a few times, but I was alarmed by how much sharp burning pain occurred around the portal area while I was lifting, followed by a dull ache that lasted all day. Not muscle pain, not skin pain, but something else deep inside that felt wrong and creepy. So I quit working out.

None of the books about exercise after cancer have a single thing to say about ports, I've read them all. I haven't been able to find any research anywhere on resistance training with a port, so I don't know, maybe it is a myth. I wish I knew more.

6:33 PM  
Blogger Sherry et al said...

What is the worst possible thing that could happen?

Hmmm,

The port would hurt, you would have to go to the ER (I know, I know, bear with me here), you would cry and rant hysterically that you ARE SURE that the port has been dislodged, and they would have to take the port out right then and there.......

The best thing that could happen:

The port wouldn't hurt because you would *take it easy* at first, you would get muscles again, you would feel better and the port would be taken out next time you go to the correct clinic.

Your call. :)

9:15 PM  
Blogger Lymphopo said...

"Take it easy"?? What is the meaning of this, "take it easy"? On my planet we have not these words.

Ok, ok, I'm going to the gym tomorrow. To hell with the damn catheter blowing a gasket straight through my superior vena cava. The surgeon who's going to remove the hideous port probably hasn't even been born yet and I need my muscles back sooner than that. Stay tuned.

10:37 PM  
Blogger All Blog Spots said...

nice blog

12:23 AM  
Blogger Redheaded Goddess said...

THAT made my morning! Too funny.

9:58 AM  
Blogger LeeAnne said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:04 PM  
Blogger LeeAnne said...

I spotted a 20" tall flocked fuschia Virgin Mary (piggie) bank today and immediately thought of you...

Thanks for the laugh. And I will never look at Mary statues the same again.

11:06 PM  
Blogger Hieronymous said...

Oh, that was a beautiful post. That post is like a great song. You have a real knack for this writing thing. Busy and Leroy were bloggers before their time, I swear.

4:35 AM  
Blogger dana said...

Do you still work out your legs?

7:39 AM  
Blogger Beverly said...

This is so funny...it makes me want to go out and buy a virgin and keep it in the back of my mini-van!

(Try explaining that one to my little girl! HA!)

11:46 AM  
Blogger Keri said...

Oh Liz. I love you. THAT brought tears to my eyes and those of HalfBrainBoy. Thank you thank you...

12:29 PM  
Blogger Alto2 said...

If none of the "exercise after cancer" books discuss exercising with a port installed, then YOU should write the book. You will probably find a mediocre medical library at your local hospital. OTW, make a field trip to the nearest medical school for some further research.

You know, we need to find a way to get you on Oprah. Then, you could show yourself off, your wit and writing skill, and Superman, too.

10:34 AM  
Blogger momo said...

Talk about timing, both hers and yours!
Another idea for an article to sell! OK, you could write a book, too, but I think you should send some of your posts/stories out as articles. Send one to Oprah's magazine!

2:53 PM  
Blogger ~laurie said...

Yanno you left us here while you went off to lift weights. Now i'm worried about what happened!
Yes yes how neurotic am i? Can we say menopause?
:)
laurie

12:38 PM  
Blogger tiffany said...

Are you okay?
You disappeared, and i am very worried!

11:22 AM  
Blogger Lymphopo said...

Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, I'm fine. I've been out having a Life, having fun, enjoying myself, forgetting all about cancer to the point that I've been neglecting my poor cancer blog. I'll try to sit down this afternoon (after my fun lunch date--the third one this week!) and fill y'all in on some of the happenings. All is well, but I do appreciate the concern.

12:12 PM  
Blogger KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN said...

Hi Liz,

Whew! I'm so relieved you're alive & kickin'.

Well, it is about time I come out of "hiding". I've been one of your devoted "lurkers" since you began blogging. Your writing is a good book I just can’t put down. I was so happy when you finally placed the pay pal button on your site.

You won't remember me, but I used to correspond with you back when you were writing for Regents. I had a rose emergency last year and could no longer find you, but I did find your blog!

I want you to know how much your writing has been a source of inspiration and knowledge for me. Right about the time you discovered your devastating news, I found out that my sweet boy, Nick (Golden Retriever dog), also had a very rare form of lymphoma (cutaneous).

You'd often blog about your treatment and the medicine you were taking, and Nick would be undergoing the exact same treatment at the same exact time in his research hospital. It was so strange to witness the parallel realities of your world and of Nick's world. Your blog helped me understand what was happening with Nick and it was also a source of comfort to see you fighting so valiantly, with much verve and spunk…and winning!

I lost my sweet boy last Tuesday the 10th. Nick’s oncologist performed a post-mortem exam for research and for answers not only for canine lymphoma, but also for lymphoma in humans. I think it was the Prednisone poison that defeated him in the end and not the lymphoma itself.

Your last post was from the 11th and you were on your way to conquer the gym. Since then you haven't posted and I've been so upset thinking you may have hurt yourself or worse, especially in the wake of just having lost my golden boy! I’m so thrilled (and relieved!) that you’re living it up down south. Isn't it strange that I've never met you yet I worry this much when you're not around? I have come to care a lot about you and your well being. My boy toy says that I may even have a “blog crush” on you! (I just think he's jealous because I read your blog religiously & don’t pay enough attention to him!:-)

I would like for you to please keep us in mind if you’re ever swingin’ out San Diego way. We would welcome you in our home with open arms, especially if you bring your beautiful family of dogs! I’m happy you had Dixie and Dolly through these past months, and that now you have handsome Superman to keep an eye out for all of his ladies.

This comment has turned into a full blown post! Sorry. I just wanted to come out of hiding to tell you I’m so relieved a 500 lb. weight plate didn’t fall on your head AND to finally thank you for sharing your life, your insight, your candor, your spirit, your family, your friends….just an overall thank you for your blog.

You’re awesome.

2:30 PM  
Blogger D said...

Several years ago, before your old site turned into some strange porn/sex toy link, I developed a huge girl crush on you and your gorgeous flowers, and the fact that you could remember all the names of them. I remember thinking how wonderfully riotous and beautifully chaotic the gardens were, and I was inspired to have a go at gardening myself. So today, when I checked in and saw the beginnings of your new little side garden, I thought I'd pop in and let you know that there's someone in Missouri that you inspired to become the crazy plant lady that all the neighbors are talking about.

Not even close to as big and bold as yours...but I'm working on it. though I still can't name 1/2 the things in mine...
http://s94.photobucket.com/albums/l91/earlesvalvo/garden%202007/?action=view¤t=100_1342.jpg
http://s94.photobucket.com/albums/l91/earlesvalvo/garden%202007/?action=view¤t=100_1299.jpg
http://s94.photobucket.com/albums/l91/earlesvalvo/garden%202007/?action=view¤t=100_1341-1.jpg

5:26 PM  

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