Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Seeking Feckless Volunteers

Ok. Here's the deal. I'm finally getting around to setting up my online personal trainer service, Granny Gets A Six-Pack. But before it can sprout wings and fly, I need to run a beta test on some guinea pigs. So I'm issuing a call for feckless volunteers.

Remember: Granny Gets a Six-Pack is NOT about hating your body, or sacrificing pleasure, or starving yourself to be thin. It's NOT about trying to look like an emaciated runway model, or even a perfectly buff fitness model.

It IS about nurturing yourself, about building beautiful plump juicy muscles and enviably high bone density; it's about growing strong and fit and powerful. It's about respecting your body, enjoying every single bite you eat, and using food to increase your energy, vitality, and well-being.

Strong, fit, and active at 52.

Each client will receive a personalized program, based on his or her individual wishes, dreams, circumstances, and limitations. We'll work on setting realistic long term, short term, and daily goals. I can help you design an eating plan and/or a workout plan (with or without a gym membership), and I'll provide ongoing cheerleading, advice, information, motivation, and help leaping over and beyond the hideous obstacles, both mental and physical, that have been holding you back. There will be short fun written assignments, informative educational reading suggestions, fascinating and lively records to keep, and of course the obligatory show-tune singalongs.

There will be NO boot camp bullying: I'm a big believer that people, like dogs, accomplish much more with positive reinforcement than with scolding and punishment. For every pound you add to your bench press, I'll toss you a liver treat. (kidding!) (about the liver treat, not about the reinforcement.)

A highly accomplished dog

Anyway, I'm still not quite sure exactly how everything's going to fall into place logistically, and that's where y'all come in. I need a handful of courageous volunteers to test drive the thing and help me work out the bugs.

So! All ye brave readers out there in Blogistania who send an email to grannysix at gmail dot com IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS and sign up as willing participants in Granny Gets A Six-Pack, the Beta Version will receive one! free! month! of online training. In exchange all you have to do is help me out with some simple (and I assure you, highly ethical) experiments, fill out some questionnaires, and provide some honest feedback about the program. If the feckless guinea pigs survive the beta program with their faculties intact, then I'll open GGASP wide to the feckfull paying public for $100 per month, and we'll take the world by storm.

So. Who's going first? Be bold! This could be your big chance! Sign up now at: grannysix at gmail dot com (not in the comments here); operators are standing by for 24 hours only with your once in a lifetime FREE one month membership! Go for it!

Here I am sharing my coveted workout secrets with Big Ronnie Coleman, eight-time Mr. Olympia winner. For the next month, this could be YOU!

ADDENDUM: Yikes! I'm sorry but I'm going to have to close sign ups a couple of hours early, folks, because I already have about 8,000 volunteers and my inbox is still exploding. But this is good! Part of my experiment is about discovering what kind of client load I can handle before I have a nervous breakdown and/or the computer ignites into flames. So, as of 12:00 noon Louisiana time on Thursday the 26th of July, GGASP is closed to new volunteers, and would somebody please pass me that fire extinguisher over there? If you were negligent in checking my blog every four minutes around the clock and thus missed your big chance to participate, don't despair! If this batch of guinea pigs doesn't do me in, in a month I'll be open for aplha business and by then I should have figured out some very basic stuff like how to not delete all you important records thus causing you to lose all your hard earned muscles with one careless stroke of the keyboard. Stay tuned!


Blogger -L said...

Whoo-hoo! Go, Liz!


1:10 AM  
Blogger SueLynn said...

I love that the acronym for your project is G-GASP! You will make an amazing trainer. All the best.

10:21 AM  
Blogger citygrrrl said...

woah! 8,0000?? did you have any idea you had that kind of readership?

impressive, girlfriend!

8:18 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...


Granny Opens the Floodgates!

Good work~

8:57 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Way to go! I KNOW this will be awesome for you!

7:31 AM  
Blogger Andria said...

I just now got back to my computer after being away and totally missed my chance to sign up!
*cries* ;-)
It would be great to have a personal trainer that would be willing to figure out how to work with me (I have fibromyalgia, it makes exercising...special). You're love and willingness to help people gives me hope. :-)

Again, congrats! *hugs*

11:44 AM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

You are an inspiration.

1:26 AM  
Blogger momo said...

Shoot! I was going to volunteer, but those 8000 other people beat me to it. I have been grabbing my belly flab with both hands and grinding my teeth lately.

11:36 PM  
Blogger Elfling said...

Rock ON, hottie grandma. I hope I see you on HSN soon with your matching Virgin Frida weight set!

5:30 PM  

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