The Day I Exploded With Pride
Hey! It's another beautiful spring day, and another magnificent son's birthday. Yes, I was a big believer in popping them out in April: that way I never had to be all huge and pregnant when it was summer. Today I'm proud to announce my youngest son is 25 years old.
This is the son many of you know as Finnegan's Wakeup Call, and others may know as Kosovo Boy. Sure, I was proud of him for getting all crazyass famous when he was 16. But I'm even more proud of him because of the respect and affection he has earned from friends and colleagues, and for the incredibly brave and important work he's doing now.
Here are a few other fine things he's accomplished during his first quarter century:
He was the fattest baby in the entire history of the universe.
He holds a world record for eating the most hard-boiled Easter eggs whole, without even peeling the shell off.
He was imprisoned at age 5 for violating a city ordinance prohibiting the picking of more than one banjo at a time on a public roadway.
Always a sweet, gentle, pacifist child, he somehow spent most of his high school years fuming in a damn penalty box. But I swear to the mighty FSM it was never once his fault.
He refused to feign a sexual romance with a girl who was a good friend just so he could get his face on the cover of People magazine, settling for the contents page and an article near the back instead.
He survived four brutal years at Harvard with his faculties, principles, and sense of humor miraculously intact.
All his life he has been wildly adored by small children and dogs.
He and the world's most magnificent woman got married in a donut shop.
Seriously, folks: do I have the world's greatest boys or what? Happy birthday, kiddo!
This is the son many of you know as Finnegan's Wakeup Call, and others may know as Kosovo Boy. Sure, I was proud of him for getting all crazyass famous when he was 16. But I'm even more proud of him because of the respect and affection he has earned from friends and colleagues, and for the incredibly brave and important work he's doing now.
Here are a few other fine things he's accomplished during his first quarter century:
He was the fattest baby in the entire history of the universe.
He holds a world record for eating the most hard-boiled Easter eggs whole, without even peeling the shell off.
He was imprisoned at age 5 for violating a city ordinance prohibiting the picking of more than one banjo at a time on a public roadway.
Always a sweet, gentle, pacifist child, he somehow spent most of his high school years fuming in a damn penalty box. But I swear to the mighty FSM it was never once his fault.
He refused to feign a sexual romance with a girl who was a good friend just so he could get his face on the cover of People magazine, settling for the contents page and an article near the back instead.
He survived four brutal years at Harvard with his faculties, principles, and sense of humor miraculously intact.
All his life he has been wildly adored by small children and dogs.
He and the world's most magnificent woman got married in a donut shop.
Seriously, folks: do I have the world's greatest boys or what? Happy birthday, kiddo!
Labels: kids
posted by Lymphopo at Thursday, April 19, 2007
5 Comments:
Yes, you have the greatest boys over the age of majority. I think mine are the greatest boys yet to reach puberty. You done good, mama.
All that and he's only 25??? You have every right to be proud! Myself, I don't have kids but I do my best at Auntyhood. My niece is not yet two and yet she knows how to find my credit card in my bag and stand in line at starbucks. She did that all by herself when I was on the phone and obviously taking too long to order up the childs fluffy already. Genius.
Great boys you have there, Elizabeth. Happy birthday to you both!
--- Patrizia
You know what, Patrizia, the ONLY time this wonderful child EVER disappointed me in his entire life is when he decided not to apply to Deep Springs. I suspect it was probably because I kept inadvertantly referring to it as Deep Throat, though he claimed it was the lack of females. The truth is, it was ME who really wanted to go there. If they ever go co-ed, I plan to stop living through my kids and apply immediately.
Seriously, you do. You should give a symposium on raising sons.
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